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Post by Emlyn Zynooth on Oct 29, 2009 17:19:05 GMT -8
This was worse than times before had been, much worse. Now thoughts were swimming so fast in his mind that he didn't even have time to glimpse at the details or even the basic idea each one had. It was all a confusing blur in his mind that he couldn't make out a picture in. and he didn't think it was going to stop anytime soon, so maybe it would be best to just ride it out to calm it down. Eventually, it would slow down and he could take a look at his options, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
The mountains were a good place to think about this. they were quiet and peaceful, only the trilling of a songbird interrupting him. If it wasn't up so high, he might even think about living in a place like it...it would be nice. He could just find a cave and only come out to get some food. No one would bother him. No complications would arise. But that dream was long gone, at least the 'peaceful' part about it. He wouldn't find peace again for a long, long time, and it was all his fault.
He was walking, leading Treasure, when he came to a rickety, wobbly, wooden bridge going over the river far below. he froze for just a second and took in a deep breath, letting go of Treasure's reins. He wouldn't bring his horse onto it if he wasn't sure it was absolutely safe. He could not trust things like this. He hesitantly stepped onto it, but it seemed fine. A couple of more steps...still fine. In fact, it was going great. His confidence rose, when he tripped over an uneven board and slid face-forward under the railing and off...only by grabbing onto a pole was he able to stop himself from falling down...but it was rotten, and he wouldn't be able to use it to pull himself back up. He hung there frozen, willing himself to not look down, and not desperate enough to call for Treasure.
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Post by Ceara Mindelan on Oct 29, 2009 18:55:31 GMT -8
Ceara was usually a pretty outgoing person, or at least, she thought of herself as one. She liked being with other people, liked talking with people and making friends. She didn't have many of those, solely for the reason that most girls thought she was weird, for dressing and acting like a guy, and the guys didn't think of her as 'one of the guys' so mostly she was alone, though she never stopped trying to make friends with people. Maybe that sounded a little desperate, but she liked people, what else could she say, really?
Or, at least, she had liked people a while ago...less and less nowadays, however. To be honest, she'd been moping. Not that she thought of it as moping, but lately she stopped trying to talk to people, instead staying by herself as much as possible. Even her parents were worried about her, and that was saying something, as they didn't really like her all that much, and she didn't really like them. At least, she didn't think they liked her. She couldn't get her mind off Emlyn, which only depressed her more. How could she have fallen head over heels for someone so quickly? Since when had he become all that she could think about, and the last words that he'd said to her, that she should forget the kiss they'd shared, and that they should stay away from each other, essentially.
So yes, she'd been moping, and no longer found reason in trying to make friends with people. Talking to people never brought anything good. Look at Emlyn, she was the one who'd randomly started talking to him, and now, a few weeks later, he'd hurt her to the point of cutting herself off from the world. Not only that, but she'd been the one to talk to Dahlia that time, too, and look what that had brought them. Now she had a woman who was seemingly obsessed with Emlyn, and who could change into her to get to him, and who could access both their memories. Then again, Dahlia changing into her to try get at him would do nothing. He would probably run away if anything. He didn't like her, not the way she liked him. He probably thought so badly of her, probably thought she was some stupid, dimwitted girl that was so desperate for love she would go after random guys in the streets. She wasn't, though. She didn't want to be in love. She wanted to go back to the way things were before she'd met Emlyn, but she knew that would never happen. Whether she liked it or not, she loved him.
Because she was trying to stay away from people, she'd decided that what better place to go then the monahilath mountains? No one ever went around there, it would be a quiet place for her to....think. She'd been doing a lot of that lately. Too much, if you asked her, as her thoughts only made her start crying, as they would all end with Emlyn. Still, she had nothing else to do, not unless she wanted to start getting drunk everyday to make herself stop thinking...but she didn't really want to do that. She wasn't much of a drinker.
So all she was doing was walking. She was cold, because she hadn't thought to wear very warm clothes, but she didn't care. It wasn't unbearable, so she ignored it. She kicked at the snow as she walked, her head down, not walking with her head held high, as she usually did. Her shoulder were slouched, as though she was trying to huddle into herself, and her hands were stuck deep in her pockets. This was only partly because of the cold. Finally she looked up, spotting a bridge. She wasn't afraid of heights, but she still wasn't planning on going over the bridge. At least, she wasn't until she spotted a horse, not on the bridge but close to, and saw a figure walking along the bridge slowly, cautiously. She noticed the blue hair, but her brain didn't register who it was. Instead she moved forward slowly, wondering whether she should warn the person that the bridge might be dangerous, and that he should get back. She didn't much want to talk to anyone, though.
That was when the man fell, and she caught sight of his face. Her eyes widened and it felt as though her heart stopped for that terrible second when she thought Emlyn was going to fall to his death. She'd even frozen, now just standing there, not far from the bridge and where Treasure and Talisman were. And then he caught himself on a pole, dangling dangerously off the bridge, and finally she could move again. "Emlyn!" She shouted, suddenly running forward, desperate to get to him before he couldn't hold on anymore. Somewhere in her brain she also registered the strange coincidence that she and Emlyn always seemed to find each other when they needed each other, and wondered briefly whether that was a sign that they should be together. She almost laughed at the thought. Now was not the time to think about something like that.
She stopped when she reached the bridge, unable to help but look all the way down. Hold on, Emlyn. Just hold on." She called to him, tearing her gaze away from the ground far beneath the bridge. It wasn't that Emlyn was forgiven for hurting her, nothing like that, but she was not about to just let the man she loved fall to his death, whether she was angry at him or not. Finally she moved forward, moving quickly but carefully, cautiously, trying not to shake the bridge to much for fear of making him lose his grip. Finally she reached him and she crouched down, grabbing hold of the pole to keep herself steady and on the bridge while she reached down with her other hand, holding it out to him. "Grab my hand," She said, and her voice was desperate. Emlyn couldn't fall, he couldn't die. He just couldn't. Her eyes were wide with fear and love for him, and her heart was hammering so hard and loud in her chest that she was certain he would be able to hear it. In that moment, she forgot the fact that he was the one who had hurt her, who had caused her to close herself off from the world for the past week or two. It didn't mattered that he'd kissed her and then said he didn't want to see her every again (or, at least, that was how she'd interpreted it). All that mattered was that the man she loved was dangling off a bridge, liable to fall to his death at any moment. She was terrified that she wouldn't be strong enough to pull him up._________________________________________
Words: 1200
Mood: GOOD!!!!!!!!
Notes: THIS IS THE LONGEST POST I HAVE EVER WRITTEN!! [/size]
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Post by Emlyn Zynooth on Oct 30, 2009 20:47:54 GMT -8
He was just staring at the arm that was holding him to the bridge, completely petrified with the fear that the last sensation he would feel on this earth was falling, that there would be no support under him and he would just...crash. Everything would be over, and he could pursue knowledge still and find out what happened when you died. But...his eyes flickered downwards and then brought them quickly back up as he clenched his teeth, no, even his curiosity wasn't enough for him to let go, even though he could feel himself slipping. Every muscle in him had seemed to stop working.
It was then that he heard his name being shouted...most likely his brain coming up with things, hallucinating, so that he wouldn't be so afraid the last few moments of his life, so he could die peacefully. But his wasn't going to be like that, his eyes were still wide with unspeakable fear. No matter what his mind thought up, he wouldn't trick himself into thinking he could be saved and bring up false hope. It was useless. The logic was simply flawed, and it would be better to just accept it.
But then, like it was in a dream or slow motion, Ceara appeared before him, crouching above him on the bridge. He couldn't hear what she was saying, he could only see her mouth moving as she was telling him something...but for some reason, he couldn't grasp this. No. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to never see her again. He was supposed to die. Slowly, he looked up to meet her in the eyes for one long moment, and then looked down, prepared in just a second to let go for the last time.
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Post by Ceara Mindelan on Oct 30, 2009 21:18:22 GMT -8
Emerald eyes met those of a blue-violet for a long, painful moment as Ceara stared at him, unable and unwilling to tear her eyes away, as though trying to memorize everything about him in those few seconds. She waited, hand outstretched while the other grabbed the pole he was holding, bracing for when he grabbed her hand and she had to hold herself on the bridge while also holding him from falling to his death. She would gladly bear his weight for those few seconds if it meant saving his life, as he'd saved hers once or twice before. Emlyn had saved her a lot...he'd saved her from being punched in the face, from potentially having a throwing star thrown at her, and had just protected her from danger all those other times. Even if she hadn't loved him, she would have been in this same position, holding out her hand to him and praying that he would take it, because she owed him, as far as she was concerned.
And then he looked away from her, and the feeling of being entranced by his uniquely coloured eyes faded and she could think again. She saw him look down, and seemed to guess what he was thinking. She wasn't sure how she knew, but he wasn't taking her hand, he was just looked down, towards his death. The next thing she knew she had leaned forward and with her free hand grabbed onto his wrist that held the pole, knowing his grip was about to slip and he would fall. She narrowed her eyes down at him, looking slightly annoyed now. "Don't even think about it, Emlyn." She practically snarled at him as she slowly pulled back, pulling him slightly as she tried to pull him back up. As she'd feared, however, he was very heavy and she began to panic slightly, terrified that she wouldn't be able to pull him up, and that eventually her grip on his wrist would slip and he would fall to his death despite her attempts to save him. "You aren't going to die. I won't let you." She said, and she wondered briefly who she was trying to convince, him or herself._________________________________________
Words: 388
Mood: Extremely happy, I love this thread already <3
Notes: Nada [/size]
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Post by Emlyn Zynooth on Nov 3, 2009 18:42:53 GMT -8
His eyes widened as he again looked up at her, not sure what words could say what he meant or if there even were words for such feelings. Never had he thought that his inability to express his thoughts verbally would constrain him in a way that made him so angry at himself. He had never wanted to talk so badly, and she shouldn't have to deal with him not being able to. It was unfair. Maybe that was why he thought he should just end it, and he had tried...oh how he had tried.
But maybe, just maybe...she didn't care. Was it even possible for someone to mind that he couldn't even speak a full sentence? He just...didn't want to be that one that needed to be fixed, the one that needed taking care of, the one was was always demanding just...more and more. She would just get sick of it, right? At least, that was what he had thought. But perhaps she...was prepared for it, and didn't care, and even, maybe, wanted to. He had never met anyone who gave him even the slightest vibe of that.
She wanted him to live. Someone in the world wanted him to live, even though he had been more mean to her than anyone else. Perhaps what he thought he had been doing for her sake was just hurting her, and he had only been doing it because he was scared. Now, even more angry with himself, but determined to not cause anymore pain, he gripped her, and pulled his upper body back onto the bridge. He grimaced, but tried to pretend that it had all been nothing.
"I'm sorry...I...don't think you made a very good choice."
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Post by Ceara Mindelan on Nov 6, 2009 16:35:07 GMT -8
Ceara stared down at him, trying to hide her fear and failing horrible. She was scared for him, so scared, and yet she didn't want him to see that. He had hurt her. He probably didn't want her here. As soon as he was safe and off the bridge, then she would leave him alone, just like she was sure he wanted. Still, until then she wasn't going anywhere, because she wasn't just going to sit back and watch him die. What confused her the most was that he didn't seem to be trying very hard to save himself. Sure, he was holding on to the pole and not letting go, but he wasn't taking her hand. Did he hate her that bad? So bad that he didn't even want to touch her? Well, too bad for him, because she had already grabbed his wrist and she didn't plan on letting go any time soon. She'd find a way to pull him up herself if he wasn't going to help her with that.
And then he looked up at her, and he seemed to be speechless. That wasn't unusual, but she wondered what was going through his mind in those seconds, as she usually did. He wasn't so good with words, she knew that and she didn't mind, but that didn't stop her from wondering what was going through his head. Was he angry at her for grabbing him? Did he want her to let go so that he could drop to his death? He didn't look very angry, and he wasn't struggling against her so she doubted that he was angry, but still. He was such a mystery to her that it was hard to tell.
Then he grabbed her back, which surprised her, and managed to lift himself up so that his torso was on the bridge. She was so relieved, so, so relieved. She pulled again, pulling him the rest of the way onto the bridge and then she released him quickly, still thinking that he wouldn't want her there. So she sat back and looked away from him, looking off into the horizon. She was nervous, and she played with her clothes, a tell-tale sign that she was nervous and unsure of what to say. He'd already hurt her once...she didn't want to start pouring her heart out again only to have him reject her- again. For her sake, of course, or so he thought. She glanced at him as he spoke, a confused from on her face. Now what choice did she make that he didn't think was a very good one? Saving him?
"I was supposed to just let you fall and die?" She asked softly, going with what she assumed he had meant._________________________________________
Words: 487
Mood: Good
Notes: Nada [/size]
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Post by Emlyn Zynooth on Nov 14, 2009 12:05:35 GMT -8
He gripped the sides of the bridge, staring at the wood so he wouldn't look down, to death, that horrible, horrible depth that was going to suck him up and spin him around and around in a vortex of dark that he could never escape from. He wouldn't feel pain, he'd feel emptiness. There would be no going back. And though sometimes the thought seemed appealing, he shuddered. To be trapped in that never-ending downward spiral...a soul with no rest and no opportunity to change or grow...he cringed for just a second, then looked up at Ceara.
She saved him from that. If she hadn't come, he would have let go, he knew it. Because, if she hadn't come, it wouldn't have mattered if he had let go or not. He would have just been one of the many nameless dead and she would have never had to know that he was gone forever. And eventually she would forget him, thinking he had found his way in the world and his own happy ending, and not a single tear would be shed. But if she knew...no, he just couldn't do that to her.
"No...that's not what I meant," he said softly, sucking in a breath and letting it shake through his body, calming his muscles slightly. She didn't seem to get it...every single hint he gave her to stay the hell away from him because he never caused anything good. All he was was a jinx in her life, everyone's life. Some people were like a rabbit's foot. Whenever you were around them, good things just seemed to happen. He wasn't like that, he could never be like that...all he did was hurt. "Me, I'm a bad choice. Probably the worst choice you've ever made."
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Post by Ceara Mindelan on Nov 14, 2009 19:06:51 GMT -8
Ceara turned to glance at Emlyn, trying to act as though she couldn't care less whether he was alright or not, but seeing him on his hands and knees on the bridge, gripping at the sides and staring at the wood as he did, she couldn't help but feel bad for him, and she remembered that he wasn't so good with heights. She frowned, a tell tale sign that she was concerned as she debated on whether to reach out and maybe put her hand on his shoulder, to try and comfort him, but she wasn't sure whether he would want that. She was so confused with what he wanted right then. She wanted to be what he wanted, but he was so confusing and gave such mixed signals all the time...like first kissing her and then telling her they shouldn't see each other again.
So she said nothing, just sat there and watched him, though she would glance around every few moments. She didn't have a fear of heights, or water, or fire or anything like that. No, she was afraid of her own memories, and of the memories that people touching the scar on her back induced. What a strange thing to be afraid of, right? But it was true, just the thought of sinking in the torrent of memories was enough to quicken her heartbeat in near panic. She looked back at him as he spoke, staying silent and keeping her face expressionless and nonchalant as he explained that saving him hadn't been what he meant when he said that he thought she'd made a bad choice. She sighed as he did explain what he meant, explained that he was wrong for her...again. Why wasn't he letting her choose that for herself? And why was he bringing this conversation up now of all times, right after she'd saved him from falling to his death?
She stayed quiet for a few moments, trying to think of something to say that would get him thinking and realize that he should let her give him a chance. She'd never been so good at this sort of thing, but she might as well try, right? "...You don't know me, Emlyn...and I don't know you. But I'd like to get to know you more." She said very quietly, just watching him. "I might be wrong, but I don't think this is about you thinking you're a bad choice for me. I might be wrong, but I think this is about you being afraid to get close to me. Maybe because you're afraid you'll let me down, or not meet my expectations or something, but you're throwing away the chance at something great, at something that might make us both happy, because you're afraid...I think. You have to give me a chance, Emlyn...you have to give us a chance." She said, still quietly. She was pretty sure she'd failed at saying something touching that would make him really start thinking, but at least she'd tried, right? "Anyways," She said after a pause, her voice a little louder and more awkward sounding. She quickly looked away from him, raising her hand to rub at the back of her neck. "I clearly suck at trying to get people to change their minds, but..." She broke off, unable to think of a but, and chuckled awkwardly, still not looking at him and feeling certain that she'd ruined the mood._________________________________________
Words: 614
Mood: Eh
Notes: *Fails at being all touching and stuff xD [/size]
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Post by Emlyn Zynooth on Nov 19, 2009 17:24:07 GMT -8
"I'm not afraid of that," he said defiantly but bitterly, "I know that." This was why it was hurting her, because she thought there was a chance. He had never been given chances, so why would life start handing them to him now? His father hadn't given him a chance to go with him, the academy hadn't given him a chance to make up his mistakes, and his mother hadn't given him a chance to be her son. Because of that, he hadn't given his father a chance to say goodbye and now, now he wasn't giving Ceara a chance.
Couldn't they just be friends? Wouldn't that make the risk so much less? Maybe she thought that right now it would hurt more to never have tried, but he knew that it would hurt more to try and fail. Then they would know what they were missing. Then they would know that at some point it was possible but it just couldn't work. Then they would know it wouldn't ever happen in the future. And then, one of them, most likely Ceara, would feel betrayed...by him.
But...what that even a possibility anymore? Friends? Or had it gotten too far? Even if she hadn't practically told him she loved him he would've though of her differently. At first he thought he just wanted to protect her because that was what he did. But he knew that when she got hurt, he would be more angry than if, say, Aithne got hurt. He would want to cause the person who hurt her so much pain that they would die. He didn't...no, he couldn't...but he did. "No one ever doesn't regret knowing me. You're right, you don't know me, if you did, you'd be running away. I've done awful things, things you don't know about."
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Post by Ceara Mindelan on Nov 20, 2009 22:03:56 GMT -8
Now Ceara was getting angry, not at him, but at herself because she'd just gone and embarrassed herself by being wrong. How fantastic, she'd actually managed to make things worse. She felt like being violent with someone, punching someone in the face, but of course punching Emlyn never even occurred to her. It didn't matter if he was the reason she felt so...blah lately, she would never hurt him like that. It was a little pathetic, because he was hurting her, a lot, over and over and yet she would still never even dream of hurting him. But she was just pathetic that way, and she knew that. She had a lot of issues, but then again, who didn't? She'd never been the daughter her parents had wanted, and so whatever friends she managed to make she wanted to be whatever they wanted, because she wanted them to like her, to tell her that they were happy with who she was...even if that person wasn't really who she was. Unfortunately, that was probably another reason she didn't have many friends. She was too needy, and wanted people to like her for who she was, which just didn't happen very often.
So yeah. She felt like punching someone, to relieve stress, but of course there was no one she disliked around, no one except for her and Emlyn. So instead she settled for turning around, turning her back to him and just glaring off into the distance. She knew they would have to get off this bridge at some point, but for now she was content with just sitting there. She was getting very tired of this. She glanced over the edge of the bridge, towards the ground so very far below them. For just a second she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like, to throw herself off the edge and just feel the wind howling in her ears, stinging her eyes and ripping at her clothes as she fell fast, so fast, until finally...splat. The end, right? She'd never been very suicidal, however, and the thought of dying scared her worse than the fear of continuing on like this, always being hurt, so with a sigh she tore her gaze away and just glared off into the distance once more.
"Do I seem average to you?" She asked quietly, conversationally, no trace of the anger in her voice and speaking as though she were talking about the weather, or completely changing the subject. "It's funny, I've never really thought of myself as being average...not that I didn't want to be, but that's a whole different matter." She continued on, voice still calm. "I'm just bringing that up because when you say that 'no one ever doesn't regret knowing you', I just wanted to know whether you think of me as being the average person, someone who would regret knowing you." She said, back to him still and voice still conversationally bright. It was about at that moment that a calm stole over her and her anger disappeared. She turned back to him, and there was a small smile on her face.
"No, I'm not the average person. The average person would respect your wishes and know that you would never feel the same way about me as I feel for you." She said, smile still in place and shrugged. "Unfortunately for you, that means I don't care if you think you're doing me a favor or something by telling me to stay away from you. I think I will do what I wish, and what I wish is to continue being your friend and continue hoping that some day, maybe you will feel about me the way I feel about you. If that day never comes, it won't matter, because at least I'll still have been your friend at the very least." She said, and her grin brightened. "You know, I feel a little better now." She said and stretched her arms over her head and then let herself fall backwards so that she was lying down on the bridge, looking very relaxed as she turned her head to fix her emerald gaze on him.
"Who are you to say what I would run from? Maybe the average person would run from you, but how can you guarantee that I, someone who is NOT very generic, would run?" She asked, her tone joking and completely at ease. "And on that note, you think you're the only one who has done some pretty god-awful things in their life? Who knows, maybe I'm keeping some secrets from you, too, things that would send you running! More than you already are, anyways." She said and laughed, winking at him to show that she was just kidding. Actually, Ceara felt pretty great right now. Obviously her plan of action of just continuing to be Emlyn's friend made her feel better. What she wanted to know was what his reaction to this would be. Exasperation? Annoyance? Fury? Acceptance? She had absolutely no idea. "Tell me whenever you're ready to make our way off this bridge, so that we can help each other." She added as an after-thought._________________________________________
Words: 923
Mood: Good! =O
Notes: Ceara talks a lot, but I love her so *huggles Cea* [/size]
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Post by Emlyn Zynooth on Nov 21, 2009 22:01:42 GMT -8
"No, you're not average at all," he spat, shaking his head bitterly, avoiding eye contact at all costs. She was so much above average, which meant she should've run away right when she had first met him. Most people were land-dwelling animals, and he was an insect, and she was a beautiful bird. She should stay farther away. She should fly away before anyone saw her communing with dirt such as himself. Under no circumstances could he bring her down to his level. He hadn't even thought about the possibility that she might be able to teach him how to fly.
"Never feel the same way? You think I like this? You think every time you leave I give a big sigh of relief? You think right now I'm cringing at being this close? No..." He clenched his fists and pushed himself farther away, trying to distance himself before he did something he would regret, before taking the path he would not be able to leave once he stepped on it, "I just know...that this is too unfair to you. You think this is what you want, but you couldn't be more wrong. I can't do that to you. I can't."
It hurt, it actually hurt to say that. He had been hoping to end this before it would hurt either of them, but now it seemed like it was too late, exactly what he had been afraid of. He was afraid that he would become selfish, and...he was. He just needed to push it down and not do anything. She needed to leave, but now he might grab her before she could. He had wanted to give her at least one more chance to walk away completely, but would she even get that now?
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Post by Ceara Mindelan on Nov 21, 2009 22:40:28 GMT -8
"Why thank you!" Ceara said as Emlyn told her that she was not average. "I'm glad someone else doesn't think so." It didn't bother her at all that he'd said it so bitterly, because as far as she was concerned it was still a compliment. Of course, usually she hated not being average, thinking that she was somehow abnormal and a freak, but for once the thought of not being normal was making her very happy, because it meant staying with Emlyn, just like the average person probably wouldn't do. She was being abnormal, and it felt great.
Her smile did, however, fade from her face as Emlyn spoke once more, instead a look of surprise coming to her face as she stared at him. She turned her head more, to be able to see him better, and a small frown came to her face as she tried to wrap her head around what he was saying. "You...don't?" She asked quietly, sounding surprised. Really she was answered all of his questions. He didn't like this? He didn't let out a big sigh of relief everytime she left? He wasn't cringing on the inside at being so close to her right then, being trapped on a bridge with her? She frowned as he pushed himself farther away from her, which only seemed to underline her thought of him not liking being so close to her. "How very noble of you. I'm glad you know what I want more than I do...but right now I swear I want nothing more than having you kiss me and not run away afterward..." She said, her grin back in place. "But maybe I'm wrong. You tell me." She said, grin still in place as she shrugged. She was joking once more, of course. It was a habit that seemed to come out at the worst of times.
She rolled onto her side and grinned at him, knowing that she was about to make more jokes. "You know, you seem to think you're some great big monster or something, and that I'll regret being around you. As far as I'm concerned, there isn't much that would make me regret it...maybe if you started beating me or something, but you'd better know that if you hit me I'll hit you right back." She said and laughed, smiling at him once more._________________________________________
Words: 427
Mood: Not bad
Notes: Nada [/size]
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Post by Emlyn Zynooth on Nov 24, 2009 12:03:06 GMT -8
She was treating this like a joke, wasn't she? She wasn't taking him seriously. Maybe this was why he'd have to leave her forever, maybe unconsciously he was under the impression that he'd break her spirit and only a girl who was as sullen and serious as him would be able to stand being by him without....without cracking or collapsing. She probably thought she was going to affect him more then him affecting him, but he couldn't be too sure, and the risk...it was too great. Being around him would change her, he was sure.
He wanted to believe so badly that instead she would help him. He knew he had issues, he knew he was mean, he knew he was capable of awful things and that one day he would have to solve them, but he didn't think it would be that easy. The risk was just too great, to destroy her smile forever, and know it was because of him...it would just send him plummeting down further, down into himself and then no one would be able to save him. He would be beyond help of any kind for the rest of his life.
"I'd never hit you. The first few days...would be fine, and then I'll stop talking and you'll get worried but I still won't say anything. You'll think everything will be fine if you just give it some time but I'll get more and more distant and eventually you'll find out what I'm capable of. For a little bit, you'll think you still have a duty but eventually all you'll want to do is get away. I don't know if...by then, I'll let you or not, and it will all just hurt more." He wanted her to stay, but he wanted her to get away as fast as possible. This was already too hard.
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Post by Ceara Mindelan on Nov 24, 2009 17:25:27 GMT -8
"I know you wouldn't." Ceara said when he said that he would never hit her, her tone more gentle now. She resisted the urge to joke by adding that now he wouldn't ever hit her because he knew she'd hit him back, but she decided to keep that joke to herself for now. He had a pretty bad view of himself, didn't he? Well, she'd already known that. Her small smile remained in place as he spoke, just listening to him, as was polite though already she was coming up with what she would say next. She didn't think she was getting through to him, he was just too stubborn, but that didn't matter. As far as she was concerned, she'd already decided that she would just continue following him around and being his friend, whether he wanted her to or not. Heck, he couldn't force her to leave him alone. He could leave, but she'd follow him. Briefly she wondered whether she was turning into a stalker of some sorts and was immediately horrified by the thought, but that didn't mean she still wouldn't follow him. It just meant she would be careful never to spy on him.
"Okay, mayyyyyyybbeeeeee that would happen...but not likely." She said, lifting her gaze to look at the sky. She liked this, where they were right now. She was trusting Emlyn's fear of heights to keep him on this bridge with her until she was ready to help him off, and that meant that they finally had to talk, that he couldn't just say something like 'Forget about it, you just shouldn't be around me' or something. "This is the way I see it. The first few days will be fine, and then you will end up relaxing completely around me, and feel that you could tell me anything, pretty much like I already feel like I could tell you. And even if that didn't happen and you did stop talking, what makes you think I would ever let you stop talking? I'll just bother you, asking questions and stuff until it'll feel like you're doing all the talking." She said, chuckling at her own words.
"You seem to be worried you'll do something that will scare me away or something. Why don't you just tell me: What are you capable of, Emlyn?" She asked, and then shook her head. "And trust me, if I ever did want to leave, which I doubt it, I don't think there's much you could do to stop me. What would you do, tie me down? You wouldn't do that." She said, joking once more. She wasn't sure what he was so worried about. "Gosh, you're very pessimistic, you know that?" She said, though her tone was affectionate. "If we're not meant to be then it just won't work out. What's so wrong with trying, though?" She asked light-heartedly._________________________________________
Words: 536
Mood: Tired
Notes: Nada [/size]
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Post by Emlyn Zynooth on Nov 29, 2009 18:48:50 GMT -8
He couldn't help it, he couldn't help smiling as he listened to her voice telling him everything would work out. Maybe this was proof that instead of dragging her down she'd only bring him up. He didn't feel hope much, because it didn't actually help anything and only made it possible to feel disappointment, but, without his consent, it flickered within him. He had never really hoped for anything, not even to be the best in his training. He hadn't hoped to be the best, he had simply tried, it wasn't the same.
He reached out with a wary hand to touch her hair, and he wanted to run his fingers through it and use his other hand to pull her closer, like this was some dream that would never end, and nothing else mattered. He wished that was the case, because then he would be able to visit her every night in his sleep and not have to worry about it's affect in the real world. But, even though that wasn't the case, he lost himself in that single moment, soaking it in as a single good memory that he could hold close to his heart.
But almost at suddenly, he pulled back, hand clenching up into a fist. He couldn't touch her, not with his hands...not with those same hands that carried the blood of innocent people. "What am I capable of?" he repeated, bowing his head in shame, and to hide the disgust and frustration that was showing there. He hadn't wanted to tell her, but he supposed he should, if only to try and scare her away. "I'm capable...of...of...killing...children." His fists clenched tighter, as he wished with all his heart that that one event had never happened.
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